The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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