I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize