What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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