look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
