I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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