I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
