i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We left the knife in your bed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
