Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
