Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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