My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
