Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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