In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
