I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
