So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
