Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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