Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
