My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Houston, we have a blender
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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