Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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