I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
