you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
