Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
