some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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