I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
