i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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