It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
