um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
