tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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