i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
