There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
