did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
