I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
