I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
how drunk are you?
Several
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
