Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she looked like the before picture.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
