I just made out with a guy for $7.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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