yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
