So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
