I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
