just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
