by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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