Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I want a musical about memes.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
