True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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