you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
