But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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