got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
