He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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