oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
