I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
