Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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