I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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