dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
