yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
grandma shit on top of the toilet
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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