Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
