I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
