Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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