the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
