I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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