How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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