Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
