I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
