I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
