Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
