Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
