If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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