So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
