I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize